I have a really bad habit of trying to make things happen the way I imagine them instead of relaxing and enjoying the moments for what they are. Some of this centers around the fact that I am a mom and I have responsibilities with my kids and there are limited windows of time that may be used for relaxation and enjoyment. The secret, of course, is to learn to enjoy the moments while hanging laundry, while cooking, while picking up Legos for the million-and-first time. But that feels far advanced for me. Right now I'm struggling just to cook and pick up Legos, nevermind finding the hidden enjoyment in it. On Good Friday, Tomáš had the day off and I was bound and determined we were going to go on a walk as a family. Those are my famous words, as I'm often pleading with T to go out and do something together. Then I just decided I was going to go with the girls, and if he chose to come, great. And he did. And it was. The weather could not have been better. The views could not have been more spectacular. Mother nature put on her finest dress, just to wave at us that day. And to hear Lily's gasped ''WOW!s'' when seeing the yellow fields and hearing trees full of bees was a kind of gladness not easily matched by much. And as it turns out it was a weekend pretty full of WOW!s. Chocolate Easter bunnies and Technicolor eggs have a way of inciting them.
All around me the winds of change are blowing. The flowers of change are growing. In Slovakia the fields of change are glowing. And I'm just so ready for it. At the end of last year I believe God spoke to me that this would be a year of healing for me. There's so much I want healing for. Physical, mental, spiritual, relational. And as I gear up to go home in June, there's a sense of anxiety that goes along with the anticipation. And I was talking to one precious friend and she (as always) gave me some terrific advice. That I just be open to change but not try to make it happen in my own power. And as she said these words I felt my body relaxing. I had been telling her that I believed I had a stomach ulcer and she said, ''It's the act of us trying to be God that burns holes in our stomach.'' And she's right. I guess it all boils down to trust. Do we trust God enough to release the reigns of control (which are an illusion anyway) and enjoy the moments for what they are? Enjoy the people for who they are? Because any change we might bring about through our own manipulation is not worth having anyway? Our girls take life as it comes. And they are full of so much joy.
|Farm-fresh eggs. Almost too pretty to color.|