Why I'm Leaving Facebook

     What I'm about to say is nothing new and you, no doubt, have felt the exact same things at one time or another. I'd guesstimate my relationship with Facebook was void of negative feelings for long about a couple of months. I liked it at first. It felt good finding old friends, making connections with current ones, sharing pictures, viewing pictures. But it wasn't too long after that that my feelings started to go south. I didn't like that I cared as much as I did about what I posted on there. I didn't like that I checked pictures and posts in search of laudatory comments. I didn't like that I posted prettified images of my life, that I wanted to. But as I considered killing my account all those years ago, the thought was always the same, you are half a world away from family and so many friends and, after all, how are you gonna stay connected with the people you love when all of them are on Facebook? A good friend who deleted her account years ago even supported my keeping mine, ''your situation is different,'' she said, ''you're so far away''. And for years longer, I believed that too...sort of.
     But there was this constant uneasiness. I know you've felt it too. When you think about how many hours you spend on Facebook a day. When you think about how many hours your husband spends on Facebook a day.  When you think about how many hours the whole world spends on Facebook a day. When you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through pages and pages and pages of feed, subliminally rating each post, each person, as worthy or not worthy of your time, your attention, your click. And it doesn't take a whole lotta time before it numbs you. You become numb to their posts, you become numb to that person. And before long, people you were once close to, once cared dearly about become not too much more than a scroll-by (if I can coin a phrase) to you. Maybe even an annoyance. Maybe you look at their pictures (maybe not even that), and you scrutinize, size up their life as it compares to your own. You feel depressed that it's not you on that vacation, or worse, you feel prideful that their fill-in-the-blank is not as good, expensive, fashionable, beautiful, thin as yours.
     Not many people would argue very hard on the side of Facebook having a whole lot of scruples, and it's just getting worse by the day. It bothered me when they changed whatever it was that they changed that caused me to be seeing old posts over and over again, peppered with new posts to keep me interested, to keep me on there longer. I hate all the advertisement manipulation. I'm uncomfortable with them having pictures of my babies. I'm scared of anyone possessing as much power as they do. But it really bothered me when I started seeing pictures of complete strangers because some friend of a friend commented on it. What? Not only does this beg the question, why would I be interested in this? but also do these people really want me seeing their pictures, and do I want these people seeing my pictures?
     And I wish I could say all of my reasons for leaving are honorable and full of integrity, but the truth is I just feel hurt in many ways. Hurt that I, like so many of my own ''friends'' (I put the word in quotes because I have treated many of you very much unlike a friend) have been reduced to a scroll-by as described above. That years go by without so much as a paltry birthday wish, or better, a like, but I'm supposed to let you in on my most personal details, for free? With no emotional cost or commitment to you? Now, of course, we cannot keep in touch with everyone. There are just not enough hours in the day. But isn't that kind of the point, anyway? We aren't meant to have 287 friends. (Really? I have 287?) And even as I type this, I'm thinking of all the things I'm gonna miss out on by leaving. My cousin's hilarious status updates, my brother's too, beautiful pictures of Montana, funny, playful banter, weddings, babies, life. And maybe this sounds silly, but it is not an easy decision. It feels like I have so much to lose. But when I think of how Lily must feel when I shoo her away from the computer, it makes it a little easier. And when I think about what I just might stand to gain, what I'm leaving in search of (genuine, real, close, costly friendships and relationships), it makes it a little easier too.
     I must insert here an addendum or two. Some of you have been absolutely brilliant to me, on Facebook and off. I have felt your love and prize that as a precious gift. Also, I don't hold any personal ill will about any of the aforementioned, I simply see this as a problem, and am in search of something better. Maybe I paint too grim a picture, not everything about Facebook is evil, of course. Not all of my time on FB was spent envying or comparing, but too much was. We just have to decide if the good outweighs the bad. For me it didn't. Also, please forgive me if I sound a little high-horsey. That wasn't my intention at all.
     In conclusion, I will be deleting my account next Friday, August 22nd. If you want to keep in touch, please message me or email me your contact info before then. I plan on using my newfound extra time to write a lot more: real letters, emails, Skype chat and blogging in this little space. Montana post soon to come, I promise...