sLOVEnka: Notice

I really don't know which week of pregnancy I'm in. All those pregnancy calculators online leave me confused because I can never tell if I'm in that week or that's how many weeks are behind me. Couple that with different due date predictions and other unclarities and I guess I'm somewhere between week 30 and week 32. I want so badly for it to be 32. This pregnancy has not been the breeze that I lucked out with with Lily. With her my first trimester, the worst it got was feeling blechy and having smells bother me. I never once threw up and the blechiness stopped at 12 weeks. But with this one it wasn't morning sickness, it was morning, noon and night sickness. It's true that I only threw up five times or so, but I took nausea to a new level. I had the pretty typical phenomenon of I'm starving but nothing on this earth doesn't make me want to vomit. For the first time in my life I lost my taste for sweets (for which I was reeeeally grateful) and craved meeeeeat. Of course smells absolutely turned my stomach, but when I say new level, I mean that I still get nauseated when I think about doing the things I did back during that time such as reading certain books and writing in my journal. The journaling I have pushed through because it is so important to me, but I have not been able to return to those books. And the other day I saw the extent to which this nausea still affects me. During that time Tomáš and I watched a Slovak reality show about six teachers who volunteered to teach a class of very poor students to try and prepare them for an important exam. And the other day I came up behind Tomáš on the computer and saw just the logo for that TV show and, no lie, I felt sick to my stomach. I've even realized that certain songs that were played a lot on the radio or wherever during that time also make me want to hurl. Case in point, Moves Like Jagger. Ok, it's true, that song probably makes most people want to hurl, or it should. And then there are the...the...well, I'll leave that detail out; let's just say I have a pregnancy side-effect that makes me very uncomfortable at all times. Very. All times. Ok, I'm alright when I'm sleeping. Anyhoo, my point is that I have been fighting myself wanting to wish this pregnancy to go faster. It is our last planned baby and likely the last time I'll experience pregnancy and therefore I'm really trying to enjoy it.

The other day I had this flash of perspective while trying to eat my breakfast. I was sitting at the table and Bug came and climbed up into my chair behind me. For a second I felt frustrated and muttered, ''Can't I eat just one meal in peace?'' and then I had this feeling that it won't be like this for very long. Before I know it she will have her own things going on and she won't be interested in crawling into my chair or even what I'm doing, for that matter. I also realized that after a very short time it won't be just me and her ever again. Of course we will have our times alone together, but I mean on this earth. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but I have been having these feelings a lot lately. Once my mom shared with me something an old guy said to her while she waited on him at a dry cleaner's. He asked how she was and she said something about wishing it was Friday and he said, ''Oh, honey, don't ever wish your life away like that.'' And I always think of that whenever I'm tempted to rush something along. I've tried to be very mindful of this ever since Lily was born. There's something about becoming a parent that makes you keenly aware of the quick passage of time. Our time with our kids and our time here on this earth really is fleeting and it would behoove us all to keep that constantly in mind, whether wishing something would hurryupalready, or, and more importantly, in making decisions about what we give our time to. Our time is precious, but I feel like my time with her is especially precious. Maybe because every day is a constant reminder as I watch her grow before my very eyes.

I hope this post does not come off as whiny, because that was not my intent at all. I know that my struggles are/were nothing compared to what some women go through, and I am grateful for that. I just want to encourage us all to enjoy the heck out of this wonderful life we've been given. Slow down. Drink it up. Take it in. Notice. When we decide for this it changes everything.

And for the record I am in my 34th week of pregnancy. I started this post a couple weeks ago and have since gotten things clarified. And with that, a few things I've been drinking up lately and not-so-lately...